WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY MIGHT SHOCK SOME OF YOU
I was just told that as of today only 30% of people have done their Christmas Shopping. And if 50% of this number represents our male population, then that is probably fairly accurate. (So please forgive me you 20% males who have shopped prior to today, you know who you are, and how atypical you are.)
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| Merry Christmas from The Claiborne House! |
Today is Dec 20th, that means that this Friday night which is Christmas Eve, per usual the malls will be filled with desperate men seeking gifts...walking from store to store and being sucked into any flashy "Buy this now and make her happy!" signage on shop windows, selling inflated priced gifts to men grasping at straws, with offers of "Free Gift Wrapping" sealing the deal.
No amount of foolish spending will prevent this impulse shopping from happening, and the shops are counting on it! Dang, the entire United State of America economy is counting on it!
Here is a short poignant review of the book "The Christmas Sweater"
#1 New York Times bestselling author and renowned radio and television host Glenn Beck delivers an instant holiday classic about boyhood memories, wrenching life lessons, and the true meaning of the gifts we give to one another in love.
But my tale is not so much about classic boyhood memories and the true meaning of the gifts we give, as to scally-wags and rascals, of men left alone up to their own devices in a mall on Christmas Eve!
HERE NOW IS MY TALE, AS SUCH, NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED, BUT NOTHING ELSE.
Dave and his poker buddies realized the clock was ticking, and there was nothing under the tree or hidden away in their bedrooms as Christmas gifts for their wives. Dave, being the ingenious entrepreneur that he is, picked up the phone and made the call.
By 7pm on Christmas eve, after a long day at work, they were all assembled. Dave chose a location at the mall they would all recognize and be able to find, the local Irish pub. I wouldn't call this an "anchor" store for this mall in the Pacific Northwest, but it certainly was the only place Dave ever felt was acceptable for men to spend time while their wives shopped.
So they met at the Irish Pub, all 6 of them. Dave's plan was a winner, they would meet there, have a couple beers, some small talk about sports and cars and then get this thing over with in one fell swoop. If women shopped together, why couldn't men?
Dave was admired by his friends, he was always on top of his game, not the best poker player in the bunch, but certainly the keenest. He was quick on his feet, if plan A failed there was always a plan B with Dave.
After a beer or two, the lads sat on the bar stools began to relax a bit and realized that this Christmas shopping thing wasn't so bad after all, why had they put this off for so long? As the minutes passed by, they didn't worry, the stores would be open until Midnight this special night of the year, there was plenty of time.
An hour or so later Dave declared it must be time to hit the mall and get this shopping over with. They talked amongst themselves and realized that none of them had a specific gift in mind, and there was no game plan. Gary had suggested that his wife was hinting at a new cashmere sweater and had even left a catalog lying around in the den open to the page. His wife, lovely, sweet and voluptuousness Susan was indeed a stunner, and a cashmere sweater would be the ideal gift!
So that settled it. Dave said that since Gary knew the type of sweater he was going to buy that they would give him the money and he would make the purchase and buy one for each of the wives, it was no fail and brilliant plan! Gary left the group and headed over to the department store for the sweaters. He returned shortly with a lemon-yellow-ultra-soft-cashmere-sweater, the price was not negotiable as time was running out, the men knew they couldn't be empty handed on Christmas morning! Gary needed confirmation on the colors the men would choose for their wives, he couldn't be expected to make such an important decision on his own. Upon further discussion, the men agreed that yellow was a lovely color indeed, and their wives would also favor yellow.
Gary left the group once more and returned 30 minutes later with 6 lemon-yellow-ultra-soft-cashmere-sweaters, all gift wrapped for a nominal fee at the department store. The men sat back with their beers in hand and complimented each other on their wise purchase and how lovely this wrapped parcel with big red bow would look under the Christmas Tree. Why had this never occurred to them before? Why did they stress and dread Christmas shopping every year? Well, they all knew why, they were not mind-readers and each year they worried about the gift they gave, knowing it was never just right. But "Two Heads are Better Than One!" so in this case, six heads were much better!
I would like to end this story here. I would like to say that each man had his due reward Christmas day, from an over-joyed and delighted wife! Yes, I would love to say the story ends there...but then I still need to share the rapscallion proportions.
New Year's Eve was the annual get together, with champagne, finger foods and tons of fun and laughter. Each wife was so impressed by the thoughtful gift they received this year for Christmas that they had no better place than to show them off, to brag on their husbands to all their friends!
They met at the Clubhouse at the country club for the big New Year's Party. One by one, jaws dropped at these six stunning women, all bedecked in jewelry, make up and hair done...wearing the same lemon-yellow-ultra-soft-cashmere-sweaters.
VIRGINIA IS FOR SCALLYWAGS AND CASHMERE SWEATER LOVERS
PS It is not too late men, you can still buy your wife the perfect gift! A Gift Certificate to stay with us at The Claiborne House B&B! We can mail it or you can print it off as a PDF and stick in her stocking!
